Thankful: A Brand New Meaning

Today, Thursday, November 25th, 2010 I have a whole new meaning for Thanksgiving. As you know this year has been a very tumultuous one. However, I strongly believe and know without a shadow of doubt. God will NOT put more on you than you can bear. What exactly does that mean (especially to some of the not so grounded in faith people I know)? - I don't mean non-believers, I just mean the foundation isn't as solid as mine. Not that it can't be... but I digress.

Back to what I'm saying about God not putting more on you than one can bear... My interpretation would be this... Here goes: When we grow in our faith, God takes us from Glory to Glory. The more we worship HIM, and get stronger in our faith walk, the more the enemy tries to attack you and bring grief to your precious life. Those in the world who don't have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, often don't know how to call on Jesus when faced with trials and tribulations.

The way we handle these challenges; which can be anything from loosing a job to being diagnosed with a life-threatening disease like cancer, can often determine the outcomes. For example, when I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer in the beginning of January of this year, I immediately submitted and said, not my will Lord, but your will for me. The nurses taking my second mammogram and scheduling the ultrasound and biopsy were in awe. One even asked me "How are you taking this possible news of breast cancer so calmly?"  My reply was simple. I told the nurse, that I serve an awesome God and He won't put more on me than I can bear.

That was over 11 months ago; and I'm here today, on Thanksgiving night of the same year expressing how truly grateful and thankful I am for my Life!! From the very start I was optimistic about the outcomes, and I made it clear to my family, friends and of course Jesus Christ my Lord and Saviour that I was willing and able to go through this Journey to be a living testimony of how with Faith, ALL things are possible. I'm a living testimony of His Goodness and Mercy and how having the right attitude towards something that is supposed to break you down, can have a positive outcome and be a lesson learned.

I'm thankful for that moment of time that I had to make a choice between dealing with my diagnosis with a positive attitude or claiming sickness and despair. I know without a shadow of doubt that I took the right approach, because today... most people wouldn't even know that I have been through two surgeries, chemotherapy for six months, and a total radical mastectomy with immediate reconstruction. Although, I'm just feeling up to being out and about without restrictions; i know it could be worse. Or even more worse, I could be on the other side of life.

I'm thankful for my parents who have been with me every step of the way. My wonderful Husband, and my precious Children who, even at their age, knew that mommy had cancer and were constantly praying for mommy. My son even kissed and still does kiss to this day, my "owies," ~ so that they can feel better and mommy can heal! How awesome is that??? They know [my children] how to pray and lift mommy up in the Lord. That is why I'm so thankful for this day.

We opted for a non-traditional Thanksgiving celebration and went out to dinner for buffet. It was my first time since I can remember as a child, going out to dinner instead of having a home cooked meal. Don't get me wrong, we had lots of invitations, and even a few homemade dishes made for us. We are truly blessed to be surrounded by people who love us, and care for us unconditionally.

The word says;
Enter into His gates with Thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise. Psalm 100:4

I am constantly entering into the Lord's presence with Thanksgiving in my heart and mind, for all that I have to live for. And His praises are continuously in my mouth. Hallelujah, glory to God! I'm here to tell you that no matter what is meant for harm, can be turned into good with God on your side.  I never once thought that breast cancer was an attack on my life, or things that I have done in my life. But I had Faith that God has me going through, to bring me out, in order for me to share his abundant unconditional Love for his children.

Grace and Peace
LaTishia

Thought: don't give up, and know that if you want to know what GOD can do for you... just ask Him to show you.

Here is a snapshot of me today. I ditched the hats and head scarfs. Look at what Restoration looks like... Glory!

I Saw A Familiar Face in the MIRROR Today!!!

Wow, so much has happened since my last blog entry on September 7th. Let's start in order of my memory, which by the way may be very scattered. So prepare yourself for this read, it may flow, it may not. But my excuse for many months to come will be blame it on the "chemo brain." Which by the way, is an actual medical term because chemotherapy alters so much of our natural and existing cell composition when attacking the "bad" cancer cells. So my mind gets a little cloudy, I often say things in reverse order (old age you have to wait a while before you can claim these things) and will even stumble a bit on what I'm trying to get out. Drawing a blank even makes you sometimes wonder are you losing it... but no. I'm still here ALIVE and well and kicking.

September was a busy month for me and the family. I went to work part-time and continued with my herceptin infusions. I had several pre-operation visits over the past few weeks and my weekly journey to UCSF will continue for months to come.

My babygirl, miss Lauryn turned six on the 29th and we had a birthday party for her with family and a few close friends and her best friend from school. It was really a nice day for her and she anticipated it for weeks. I guess I'm teaching her early the importance and what a blessing it is to be "Celebrated."

Here is a picture of the reigning princess of the Futrell Family along with her brother Landon.

Lauryn Rose Futrell - Age 6

Once we finished the party it was on to more important things. Such as me getting the children prepared for my five day hiatus from being there as  mommy. Good thing Lawrence and I have established great relationships over the years. My mother and a few close friends jumped right in and handled the business of being there for my precious angels, whilst mommy was away getting well, and all fixed up!  I truly am grateful for the family and friends who I trust and love to be here for us at such a time as this.

On Tuesday, October 5th, 2010 we arrived at UCSF Mt. Zion campus at 6:00 a.m. to get me checked in for surgery. The week prior I had all of my labs completed, met the anesthesiologist, prepare division handed me a binder of paperwork to review and complete, and I had a CT Scan. What a busy and hectic schedule, all in the midst of still finalizing multiple assignments to keep things "moving" back in the Marketing Department at my place of employment. It wasn't an easy undertaking, but throughout each and every day, I just knew I was one step closer to the last chapters of this journey, and my FAITH in GOD was seeing me through.

 The children were secured already. I made sure my bags were packed (complete waste of time because you don't wear anything but that silly hospital gown), the alarm was set, and I swear I drank everything (non-alcholic) that I could find in my fridge before midnight, just because. The rules were do not eat or drink after midnight the night before surgery. I had developed a a mild headache ~ which is rare for me. So I took a Tylenol (there was only one in the bottle left). The only drugs or supplements they allow two weeks prior to surgery is Tylenol, and up until that night at 11:00 p.m., I didn't need anything. Just one of those things I guess. Probably anxiety and psychological, because I don't usually take Tylenol, I prefer Ibuprofen. Anywhoo... The morning of the surgery, we left our home at 4:00 a.m. to arrive in SF by 6:00 a.m. (Lawrence is a real stickler for being on time, quite the opposite for me). Honestly, I don't think that I even went to sleep that morning at all. The last time that I looked at the clock it was nearing 1:00 a.m, and when the alarm went off at 3:00 a.m, it just seemed like I was awake the whole time.

My thought was, hey it's a 8 to 10 hour surgery, I have plenty of time to sleep. I said my prayers, and I went to bed. Now back to my arrival, the surgery was scheduled at 7:30 a.m. and I had to check-in at 6:00 a.m. for all of the pre-op stuff. I saw my name on the surgery board, and they had it with an S not an F. I immediately notified the nurse and she double checked the paperwork and then apologized and made the correction. We laughed, and I said maybe there is another woman who is ready to get her boobs removed and replaced waiting, and I can go home. They checked my ID with a few personal questions and I was off to the pre surgery room. I truly believe Lawrence was more nervous than I, but he was very cool, calm and collected. Like clockwork, they all started coming in. First get undressed, take vitals, ask a kazillion questions and then relax and just wait. My surgical team came in like clockwork to say good morning, and then down to the business - make markings on my body where the incisions would be made.

Then nurses came in and set me up with IV's for the anesthesia and before you know it they were wheeling me off to surgery. The last thing I remembered was the fluid going into the IV, and I started talking very slowly... I glanced up at the clock which read 7:20 a.m. ~ talking about PROMPT!  When I woke up, I was in recovery in ICU and Lawrence was standing by my side. It was after 8:30 p.m., which meant surgery lasted over twelve long hours.  I tried to move, but my entire body was frozen. I wiggled my feet ~ and when they moved. I knew then, everything was okay. My mouth was extremely dry and I needed chap stick or ice, or juice or something WET!!! I barked at Lawrence and the nurses, to get me something, and then recalled the notes before surgery. Your mouth and throat will be dry from the tube that was in place during surgery. Ohhh yeah, calm down Tish, it's okay. You made it, you survived. God saw you through this operation and you are going to be just fine. So the nurse got these suction things that they dip in ice water and allowed me to kind of swallow/suck on them to wet my mouth. That is such a crazy feeling I'll tell you. They did this for the rest of the night because I wasn't allowed any fluids.

Lawrence left about 10:30 p.m. that night, and I was off to lala land ~ serious sleep.  It's now 2:00 a.m. I was wide awake listening to some sort of Doppler sound. My ICU nurse is just moving rapidly all around the room with the bright lights on... What the?? She started talking to me as I looked at her, like lady what are you doing? Albeit, she was very nice and sincere, she drove me nuts. Too chatty at 2:00 a.m. And since she was the night nurse from 7pm to 7am I had her for my first two nights in ICU. I asked for water, she said no, just ice chips again... so I sucked on that darn colorful thing to give me some kind of fluids. Then when I took my meds, I was able to get a real gulp of liquid. Thank goodness!!! By the second night, when she came into my room after midnight to do vitals, she would throw a towel over my eyes and say keep your eyes closed. I can only laugh out loud now, but at that moment, I wanted to seriously hurt her.

The next morning, I woke up sore, but I could feel my entire body which seemed to be numb from my chest down to my waist. The nurses started coming, and then my surgical team all paid me visits at separate intervals. I was on a liquid diet, and so very thankful for that. I sat up in the bed, looked around at the scenery ~ I actually had a room with a view, and it was an absolutely beautiful day in San Francisco. I love the 'rolling clouds' and my room was in the corner. There were wall to wall windows on two sides. My husband arrived, followed by my mother and aunt an hour or so later. Everyone was happy to see me and said I looked good. Really? Look good... well I didn't feel so hot. The two days in ICU followed by three days in a regular room were not bad at all. They treated me very well, and I had visitors on each day until my departure on Sunday afternoon. The nurses were all great. They helped me stand up, move around and even walk the halls and get my body moving.

Today has now been four days since coming home. Although I've received all of the calls, well wishes, food, company etc. I still was not feeling like myself. I guess having cancer and major surgery can have that affect on you...

So today when Lawrence was running errands I pulled myself out of bed and decided I would move around. I emptied my drains. Then I began just looking at myself in the mirror... hmmm I've got eyebrows today. Wow! That's a surprise... just a few days ago there was just a shadow. My hair is filling in on the top... Whew, what a relief. For a while I didn't think the top or back was going to grow. I would have to rock a George Jefferson for a while... but slowly but surely it's coming back in. I even brushed it today. Now it's time for some new diggs... I maneuvered to my drawer and pulled out some fresh lounge pants and a tank top. After getting all cleaned up I worked my way into my fresh clothes, looked in the mirror and smiled.

It was me, LaTishia Rene Futrell ~ the one and only. There had been some times when I would avoid looking in the mirror, because I just didn't feel like it was me on the other side. But today, I was there. I felt myself looking back at me. Beautiful me: Wife, Mother, Daughter, Sister, Aunt and Girlfriend to some very special ladies and gents.

As women, we deal with a lot of insecurities as it relates to our self-image, and the image that we believe other people see when they look at us. Regardless of how bubbly your personality may be, or how fine a car you drive, or the fashionista you are ~ we still have to be able to like what we see when we look in the mirror. Today, I liked what I saw... and I'm looking forward to each day and the changes that will come along with it. Don't get me wrong, I won't be anal about how many hairs are on my head... but as long as my smile and vision of me, how GOD made me to be is still that reflection. I'm going to be Alright!!!

Here are some photos of me over the recent months... I've enjoyed myself as best I could under the circumstances.

This was over labor day ~ No make up, no scarf.



Same weekend, with my eyebrows painted on, and fashionable scarf!

Landon, Abby, Lauryn and Me at her Party.

The next time you see pictures, it will be post-operation.

Grace and Peace,

Tish



In Due Season

There is an old saying that "Time Heals all things." After pondering that idea for a few moments, I wondered if what they really meant is this... after a while, that little thing that was bugging you will no longer. So maybe it isn't really healed, but you just eventually got over it in time. You know, the season for moaning and groaning about something that you have no control over has arrived. You don't care anymore, it doesn't bother you, or maybe, just maybe it doesn't even matter.

For instance ~ the last time I blogged that darn "n" key was out of whack and all over the place. Well I was determined to write on my blog anyway and kept typing away using the crooked N key... and all of a sudden I heard a snap... like BAM!!! It just popped into place. And now, you would never know the N was all whacked out. I guess if I would have kept on harping on it... it would have continued to annoy the beejebeez out of me (not a bad thing, because the heebee jebeez drive me nuts).... but because I acted as if the problem didn't exist it somehow corrected itself.

I believe that life can be similar in some instances. The little (or major) things that annoy us sometimes can often be attributed to our own issues and not that of someone else. So when you decide, you know make up your mind, that you are no longer going to allow something or someone to have that negative effect/affect on your life... you take away it's power and then it no longer bothers you.

That N just snapped into place, because I acted as if the problem wasn't there... repeat line I know. But you see, just like with the numbness in my fingers and toes (especially my feet) from the Taxol chemo.... WOW you are talking some serious mind blowing feeling in your feet. But what I learned to do was ignore it as often as I could. When I stop and curl up my feet, or start massaging my hands & feet ~ the pain is there. However, when I'm going about my day and night, and have so much else to think about and channel my energy to - I don't think about my numbness. It almost dissipates... but then once I began to think... hmmm maybe it's starting to go away for good. The pain and tingling are right there! in my face (well not literally) but it's there, I feel it, and the pain connects with my brain again and I am now focused on it.

I thank God for my ability to channel my thoughts other places and on other things, because I truly believe this is what has kept me upbeat throughout this trial with cancer. It's a minor trial and some slight tribulation, but nothing I couldn't give to God and just let go of. I could have felt sorry for myself, and allowed every slightest pain and nausea cause me to go down and out... but I continued to think happy thoughts, sing happy songs, and just be happy. The flipside of going through this would be what???? Hello... if that isn't enough to rejoice and be glad about, I don't know what is.

Peace and Grace

Breast, Ovary Removal Cuts Cancer Risk in High-Risk Women - Health News - Health.com

Breast, Ovary Removal Cuts Cancer Risk in High-Risk Women - Health News - Health.com

My "n" Key is broke... But I have Great News!!!

Okay, so it has truly been a while since I have blogged. But I must admit. My N key is broken on this laptop (don't ask) so my typing takes much longer and I'm not sure I can really get "busy" knowing that my "n" is flipping all over the place.

With that said, I have great news! I had my last chemo on Tuesday, August 24. Taxol be gone!! And the following day, I went back to UCSF for a Radiation Oncology consultation. My Dr. was fabulous... She really rocked and I liked her style. I guess I should have asked for permission to use her name, so I won't name drop. I'll save that for the book. The news is I will not have to undergo radiation, based upon a few factors that weighed to my advantage (in this particular case). So what a relief that is. Not that I wasn't willing to go the full distance, it is just one less thing on my to do list. This n is driving me nuts, but I have so much to share.

So, after my consultation for Radiation, I met with my Surgical Team. The Surgeon performing the Mastectomy and the other for Reconstruction. Well those appointments went very well, and I even had them recorded by the Decision Medicine program that let's you formulate questions prior to your appointment so that you can have your questions answered by the doctor. Truth is, this such a blessing because who is really going to remember all of those questions in the midst of the appointment. So it's great, you get to do the questions days in advance, review and then have the doctor review during (if not prior) to the appointment.

The surgery is going to be a long and tedious one, but I am looking forward to the end results!!! Being a Breast Cancer Survivor and Thriver, with such a great testimony, of how God did not allow me to suffer and my Faith has been unwavering. It was decided between both surgeons that a third specialist would be in the mix, so I will have to go back for another consultation before surgery which will be the first week in October.

My BFF Abby met me at UCSF and we had a long overdue diner and girlfriend catch-up time. It was nice to not have to rush home in the midst of Giants traffic, so we hung out a while.
Shot out to my bosom buddies at Health Plan, you both have truly kept me grounded throughout this process. It really feels good to be back in the office to get your brain going, feeling the true spirit of camaraderie amongst co-workers and genuine friendships that I have developed over the years working there. Busy as heck, but I know I'm where I'm supposed to be at this juncture of my life.

I am so fortunate and blessed to have my family and friends who have all been so wonderful during this time of trial and tribulation. Truly, I am just looking forward to proceeding on the road of the rest of this journey... This Thanksgiving is going to be AWESOME... I have soooo much to be Thankful for!

God's Grace and Peace Be with you!

LaTishia

P.S. Thank goodness for spell check... Lots of misspelled words without an n... :)

Five ubiquitous foods to avoid - Microwave popcorn | GreatSchools

Five ubiquitous foods to avoid - Microwave popcorn GreatSchools

My Life

Wow, I cannot believe that it has been over a month since I posted to my blog... Life has truly been eventful for me and my loved ones. As of today, I only have four more chemo treatments left. My last chemo infusion is (Lord willing) on August 24, 2010. The next day, I will meet with my surgical team to discuss my options for reconstruction. I am having a radical bilateral mastectomy, with hopes and prayers of not having to deal with Breast Cancer ever again.

The summer has been great for my two lovebugs Lauryn and Landon. They attended Summer Day Camp for the first time ever, and that was great for the both of them, and of course me. I got some much needed rest. For three weeks, Monday thru Friday they were away from mommy, and I had the opportunity to just mosey around, do some overdue Spring cleaning, and get their closets and clothes ready for the new school year. Both started school this week. Landon on Monday at his new Pre K class, and Lauryn 1st grade on Tuesday. What a week it has been!!

Additionally, our family is working through a situation; Jesse (my Dad) was in a near fatal car accident on Sunday. He is still in critical condition, but we know that God is in control!! Please keep him and my mother in your prayers. She is so very fragile now with this, and of course what I am going through... so right now she needs to maintain her health and strength. Family is not to be taken for granted, this I know. I thank God for Jesse's family who have traveled from near and far to be here, and of course my Aunts who are home with my mom to be by her side during this most critical time - making sure she is eating, resting and has someone to help bear this heavy burden with her.

Well ~ as I look at my life and where I am on this very day, I am still rejoicing that we are all here to see yet another day. God is Good!

Grace and Peace ~ Tish

Seasons Change

June has been a very busy and rewarding month. Just as we are now full swing in Summer, the season has changed. I'm choosing life and living it abundantly!! My outlook is FABULOUS, and I'm just taking it day by day.

I haven't had much to talk about regarding my cancer treatment, because right now I'm just going through the weekly round of Taxol and Herceptin. I will be treated weekly for another 9 weeks, and then every 3 weeks for one year. The great part is the 12 months began on my first week, June 8th. So my one year anniversary will be June 2011. It seems so far away, but experiencing how rapidly we have moved through 2010 up to this point, I'm not even holding my breath.

We had out of town visitors this month... so much fun. Our friends Valla and Johnny and their son Jeremiah came out for several days and we had a great visit. It was much needed and so refreshing to have out of town guest.

On another high note, Lawrence and I celebrated our Anniversary on June 21st. Cannot believe it has been eight (8) years already. But then again, Lauryn will be turning six in September, so time is truly flying by -- which is another reason, I refuse to let the diagnosis get the best of me. I truly have a new appreciation and flair for life. I'm learning that it is such a waste of time, to know your purpose in life and not embrace it. I am blessed to be able to pour and speak life into others. That is why I thank God for this opportunity to learn and go through this, so that I can encourage others with my testimony.

Life has so much to offer, we must embrace each new day with the Spirit of Living Life More Abundantly!!!

Take time to smell the flowers in your life!

Grace and Peace ~ LaTishia

I have Cancer, Cancer doesn't have me...

This past week has been a really good one. The first in a very long time since my initial diagnosis in January and all of the events that followed; two surgeries, a port-a-cath, my first round of chemotherapy (4) infusions, lots of nausea and fatigue and many sleepless nights.

I have decided that cancer will no longer be the basis of who I am. I have cancer (not for long though) and am thriving, surviving, and being me (bald head an all). This is not to discount the work that has been done by my family and friends... without them I wouldn't be able to keep my head up and my spirits up. The prayers have availeth much because I know that this journey could have been much more complicated and draining.

With my new decision to be in control and take my life back, I have gotten my "groove" back. I feel much better about being a mommy again and caring for my children and my household on my own. Especially since going back to work and school starting in July for both of them is just weeks away. I can no longer just linger around the fact that I'm overcoming. I am focusing on the healing and getting my stamina back up... so that I can be 100%.  I will ease back into work a few days a week and then go from there. I'm still in need of another surgery and I will have details on that in the coming weeks. But for now, I'm enjoying the great weather, spending time with the loves of my life and being in CONTROL!!

Again thank you for all of the prayers, the meals, the cards, the ongoing assistance and for just being good to me and my family.

Grace and Peace ~ LaTishia

BTW ~ looks like I get to keep my eyebrows and eyelashes ~ Courtesy of my MonaVie M(mun) healthy cells have beat the chemo!! www.mymonavie.com/destined4success

Drained... but SMILING!

First of all I want to thank all of you who have stopped by to read and catch up with me. I also want to thank all of my prayer "warriors" for your mighty prayers and encouragement, and endearing words of wisdom and faith. I know that God has me exactly where he wants me at this time. I must remind myself, it could be worse. Some people didn't make it through the night to see the light of day... So YES I am truly Blessed to be able to share my thoughts with my wonderful friends and family.

This past Tuesday, March 18, I had my last dose of Adromiacyn and Cytoxin (not sure of spelling) but the really BAD stuff. Today is the first day that I actually even felt up to getting out of the bed, let alone sit up in front of the computer. My dear friend, co-worker and annointed prayer warrior Gwen stopped by to bring dinner... we caught up, prayed and just enjoyed. I love the visits.

Mother came to check on me and the kids per her normal routine, she has been consistent in being here for me and the family and for that I'm so very grateful. I just realize each day how very Blessed I am to be able to go through the ringer with Breast Cancer, Chemo, Surgeries and such and still have a smile on my face.

One of my friends from college sent me a message on Facebook and he said, keep smiling, every day no matter what. That really touched me, because you know... I have so much to smile about.

Grace and Peace ~ LaTishia

C'mon Baby Lite My Fire....

Ha... you probably thought it was going to be some uber juicy post... NOT! Actually, that was the song on TV just seconds ago. It's a quarter til 2(am) and the American Masterpiece (late night TV) was doing a piece on The Doors and the hippie revolution. I was sitting here thinking about what to write about... because at this point I really didn't know. I knew I wanted to blog; but about what?  Thus the title.

So I read the comments from my Ice Cream post... Thank you!  Not too much to talk about. I had a great day today. Got out most of the day with Landon and just enjoyed some fresh air and the warm weather. Lauryn went on her first field trip Wednesday, and Landon and I joined her at Countryside Farms. It was such a nice day... I will post pictures here. My son fed the goats, he's such a big boy now (4) and Sissy and her classmates had a blast. It was a blessing to be feeling up to the day and going with her. I packed our lunches and had a picnic lunch with her class. Landon joined right in as if he's in her Kindergarten Class. They all know him and I from the days that I volunteer and take him with me. He's definitely ready for Pre-K in the fall.

Looking forward to the great weather this weekend; as there are a couple of festivals locally, and I want to enjoy before next Tuesday's chemo. After my treatment on 5-18, I will have 12 consecutive weeks of treatment. I'm told that this cocktail isn't as detrimental to my mind, body & moods as what I'm currently going through. I hope not because it's like a rollercoaster ride that keeps going. I'm up, then down, and loop-d-loop for a few days and then back down, and finally it ends for a while. And here we go again...

check out what my hair looks like... still not completely bald. A few straggly hairs hanging on... My girlfriend said it looks like a teddy bear. But I'm thinking more like a baby bird... Bawk Bawk!!!

Love and Hugs

2 Words ~ "Ice Cream"

On the eve of a very celebrated and special day ~ Mother's Day; I have the blahs, the blues, the I don't have a bone in my body that wants to celebrate or maybe it's I don't want to be celebrated, fussed over etc. Don't get me wrong... I am grateful to be alive to see another Mother's Day and all that jazz. However, it's beyond that. I'm not myself. I don't have a desire to shower or brush my teeth, let alone get dressed and leave the house.  My FAITH is not waivering... it remains stronger than ever. But the human nature in me is experiencing that lackluster feeling of why bother. Food means nothing at this point, because my stomach stays in knots. Still no vomitting, thank goodness, but nothing tastes good. Well maybe except ice cream!

This week has been up and down since chemo on Tuesday. Mother stayed until Friday and got Lauryn to and from school, while making sure both she and Landon wanted for nothing. It's a blessing to know that my kids are loved and cared for and don't really feel any difference in their surroundings while i'm going through. I thank Mom for that, especially with the hubby's work schedule. 

Friday I pulled myself together, as company was coming over. Gerri dropped off a wonderful dinner with all of the trimmings from one of my co-workers, I even got a card and Tulips (one of my favs) for Mother's Day!  Shortly after one of my spirit filled, led by the Holy Ghost prayer warriors and her family stopped by to bring more food (stir fry veggies for me) and visit. The children played after dinner and we had a great time chatting and studying God's word. She is on a mission against the root and cause of cancer and why it manifests in some.  I will expound upon this later...

My sleep is always interrupted and seems that it has been almost daily since my children have been born. I look forward to the day when I am able to slumber hours without interruption from anything!!! One day... One day...  So a nap today was essential. I put my lovebugs down, started reading a book and then eventually went to sleep. My nap was going great... and then my phone rang! It was my dad calling to see if I watched the Susan G. Komen race for the cure in Sacramento. He had all of the stats etc. I told him, I was aware of it but had not watched... were you asleep? Uhhh yeahh I was. Oh well... we all know that once you have been awaken, most likely you will not be going back to sleep, as much as you would love to.  A few minutes later Lauryn walked in, got in bed with me and we snuggled. I was thinking Landon was on her heels, but he wasn't.

As we laid there a few moments exchanging smiles... I had an idea!! How would you like to go downstairs before Bubba wakes up and have some ice cream! Her face lit up... my tastebuds sparked a familiar taste and we pinkie promised that we wouldn't tell Bubba. So we quietly went to the kitchen (keeping a five year old quiet is a task in itself) and I scooped the remaining ice cream out of a couple containers we had into our ice cream bowls. Carmel topping - Check! I warmed it, reached for the nut topping, looked at babygirl... do you want nuts? Nope... good me either. So we had ice cream with carmel topping... Landon never came down (until like a few seconds ago at least 30 minutes after our secret mission), we both enjoyed, threw out the empty containers outside (no evidence) and guess what???

As a result of the ice cream I had a burst of energy to blog... and guess what else? I used a plastic spoon!

Grace and Peace ~ Happy Mother's Day

LaTishia

3rd Chemo Today

Today's chemotherapy infusion went much smoother than the last. I arrived, had my blood drawn very quickly, by a new nurse (Nurse Heather had the day off). The great news is that nurse heather left some detailed notes about my port.  So once I got plugged up and ready to go, I went to the cafateria and grabbed some breakfast and my day began. SF was nice today... the drive over was easy, not much traffic as the weather conditions were great.  My father had to fill in for Lawrence who had to be at work by 3pm. His schedule is all over the place; so having my mom, dad and others as a support team is a Blessing!!!

I completed Phase 1 of my Clinical Trial... so now 14 more days of logging and answering questions. :O)

So here are my changes; I'm 95% bald. There are starting to be patches where it's clean on my head, so I had it shaved down even more and really ready for it all to just fall out. Dug in my drawers and found another cute scarf I can wear. It's going to be too hot for a wig most days... so I'll be rocking a scarf. I'm also going to post pictures when I'm completely bald so you all can see.

The fun part will be watching it grow back which will probably be after my taxotier/herceptin session get underway, because they don't have the same affect on your hair folicles.

My nails are black ~ and I'm afraid to even get a pedicure because of seeing what my toenails look like. Besides to prone for infection.

Well that is it... the usual today; had to take my chemo IV into the bathroom a couple times, that stuff runs through you and I took a good nap today. Like and hour and a half. The ride home was decent, my babies were happy to see me; and I'm about to lay it down.

The nausea has started, so I have to get a handle on it... Lot's of fluids is the name of the game. My feet are puffy...

~ Grace and Peace ~

Thank you again for the wonderful birthday wishes, cards, calls, seeds (money) and most importantly prayers!! I'm grateful.

The Journey Continues...

So in less than 24 hours I'll be hitting another year of God's Grace (Birthday)! I'll be 41 and I have so much to live for. This past week was rough, but I made it through. Sunday morning I woke up with the Blah's... and even shed a few tears. But I'm good. I'm thankful...

I'm thankful for my life first and foremost, and God's grace and mercy on me. I'm thankful for the handfull of TRUE BLUE girlfriends who I love, admire and adore... I just wish I had the opportunity to spend more "girl" time with them. But that is life... you grow up, you get married, you have children (not always in that order of course) and you just go with the flow of life. But somewhere along the way, I recall that email about keeping and letting your closest girls know how much you appreciate and love them. Because marriages/relationship fail, children grow up (and have thier own lives), parents grow old etc. But your BFF's are for life. So I'm thankful for all of my sista girls (and a few guys) who are in my life and I call friends. Of course I have the Absolute BEST co-workers (many who are also my friends/confidants and Angels in disquise) who I love and can count on. 

Of course my loving and caring husband and two beautiful angels are what keep me going; but it's that EXTRA we get and so much need from our gal pals that keeps us sane!!!

Feeling very mushy and need to take a nap before my keyboard explodes!!!

The Book ~ The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks

Here is the correct information I posted about a few days ago. The book is definitely on my wish list.

When Henrietta Lacks was diagnosed with cancer in 1951, doctors took her cells and grew them in test tubes. Those cells led to breakthroughs in everything from Parkinson's to polio. But today, Henrietta is all but forgotten. In an excerpt from her book, The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, Rebecca Skloot tells her story.

This woman's story is amazing, and one of the reasons I decided to participate in the clinical trials.

The Wrath of Chemo

Thursday was a bummer for me... My gosh. I was so tired, fatigued and on the verge of vomitting all day... Arrrgggg.  I couldn't pull myself up to do anything the entire day. I made it through the night with flashes of heat, then cold, and whatever other feeling that overcame me.

Today, I'm doing much better. Got a shower ~ it was long over due and noticed blotches on my face... not good. I saw my babygirl off to school today, she was happy about that. I was able to eat a half piece of toast, some juice and my MonaVie M(mun). I'm staying on top of the meds because I truly feel that if I begin to throw up I won't stop... that sensation is that powerful in my gut. So I'm doing everything I can to hold off on it... So far so good.

Keep praying for me and sending the good vibrations (Rosi) because it's obviously working...

~ Grace and Peace ~ LaTishia

Another Success

Lawrence just administered my Nuelesta shot. It pinched this time, but I got through it.

Mom is here with my children keeping them occupied and cared for. So today has been a very restufl day. I feel okay, but opted to stay in my jammies and just relax, getting up only to eat or relieve myself. The rain doesn't help either because you just want to sleep in when it rainy.

I'm feeling VERY blessed and loved on today... getting through chemo with minimal complications is truly a blessing and I'm so grateful to all of you who are leaving the kind words, and sending the notes and cards, flowers and gifts. It is pure Joy!!!

~ Love You All ~

Chemo Session No 2

Just getting home and settled down after a VERY long day.... Woke up this morning prayed up with my mind set for my second round of Chemotherapy. Mother stayed with us last night, as she was driving me over today and staying by my side.  My husband had to be at work at 3:00 am, so we said our goodbye's early. My babies were looking forward to spending the day with their Nanny ~ so I felt good about leaving.

The rain put somewhat of a damper on the drive, but by God's grace we arrived in time to get started. I decided to participate in a clinical trial that tests genes for how chemotherapy affects patients undergoing treatment. I have several questionnaires to complete over the course of my next 14 days... So we'll see. My thought is if  can help any other woman, man or child get better treatement for Cancer then I'm game... There is a story about the Black woman who's cancer cells were stored at Johns Hopkins and have been duplicated thousands of times for research... what a story. I'll post her name later, as I plan on getting the book.

So accessing my port today was VERY painful... for some reason the first nurse couldn't get the needle in. She poked me once... OUCH, pumped, no blood... Uh oh. She tried a longer needed, poked me twice... EXTRA OUCH because i was only iced and had not used my lidocaine(sp) to numb the area. So she called on nurse Heather to come and do it. She was busy... What tha?  I'm sitting over her poked twice and still not accessed for blood.

Heather freed herself up from other patients, found a long needle and got ready to access the port. It took about 20 minutes to locate the proper needle. Told ya'll i'm tougher than nails... they needed something special to work.

All while this is going on, my mother is squirming in her seat and about to just pass out flat on the floor. I'm cracking up, she doesn't understand how I could be taking this without jumping out my seat. But I told her, my attitude must remain positive so that I don't get to that point of weakness and it's all over... I'm done, I'm sick, I'm frail, I can't eat, I can't do things that I have to do... so I prayed that the next attempt  would be successful; took a DEEP BREATH and she pushed it in, strong, deep and to the metal backing... YES!!!! It worked the blood started flowing out.  Let the Chemo begin!

The good thing about the port is that once it's in for the blood draw -  I go downstairs to meet my doctor who reads the lab report to ensure that my levels are good and can withstand chemo. Levels were on point so I'm good to go!

We grabbed some lunch and went back upstairs @ 1:30 for my chemo. So far so good, the ride home was great, no rain and the traffic was minimal. I relaxed!

My dear friend prepared lasganga dinner for the family and it was great! I am so grateful ~ It is these types of precious moments in my life that remind me how Blessed I am and how many people really do care for me. For the past few months, my co-workers have been bringing a variety of meals over on Friday for dinner. I've even had Breakfast on a Saturday (Kids loved this) and other items that I can just pop in without having to cook from scratch. Now that's LOVE!

I'm getting fatigued which has been my main side-effect so  I need to wrap this up can come back tomorrow. So here is what I've experienced thus far; fatigue, shortness of breath (out of shape), discolored fingernails, and this Sunday I woke up with black spots on my tongue, and inner cheek... But no vomitting only slight naseau which I counteract with medication.

The pain from the port goes away once it's in... so that doesn't count.

Well my dear readers... thank you for stopping by. If you don't have your mammogram scheduled for 2010 please make the call. Don't put it off.  Next Chemo on 5/4.

Love and Miss you all ~ Grace and Peace

Tish

My Earrings

Okay, it's been a week and I still cannot find my earrings... This is a bummer because the missing earrings were my every day silver hoops... I have the larger ones, but they seem to big for my VERY short hair... these were much smaller (got them at Target hint hint) and I wore them every single day (except when putting on my wig) and the larger ones look nice...

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo  ~ I am a little frustrated because they just disappeared or so I want to think [positive]. However, usually if I misplace something it comes up within a few days... but it's been since last Saturday when I took them off and couldn't find them. Survey says????

BTW ~ I'm wearing them in the photo. Say Cheese!

My First Weekend

Thank you to all of my wonderful family members (Mom, Hubby, Cousins) and my awesome circle of friends for all of the phone calls, prayers and most importantly your posts. It truly blesses me to know that I have so many shoulders to cry and lean on.

I opted to stay in today and didn't attend church. With the weather changing, I wanted to protect myself from catching any type of bug. Because of the chemotherapy I must ensure that my immune system stays in tact. One of the very noticeable changes is my sense of smell. Everything is sooooooo potent!!!

Again, no real other side effects other than constipation from all of the meds (I know TMI) but ya'll want to know so I'm giving it to you raw and uncut! Anyway... Metamucil is my new best friend... I just have to remember to drink it. So again, lifestyle changes that will make this journey that much more bearable.

This week is my OFF week, so I'm thinking that I will be able to cut back on the anti-nauseau meds a bit to give my kidney and liver a break. MonaVie M(mun) is the ticket!! I have some fresh carrot juice still to replace meals, and the ginger really helps settle my stomach...

When the Praises Go Up, the Blessings Come Down! Sending up the praise report!

Grace and Peace ~ Tish

Day Three

Amazingly, I am up this morning and feeling fine. Still no vomiting, although I did get a little queasy late last night and realized that I didn't take my Zofran (anti-nausea and vomiting med). So I popped a pill, and then took the other one that supposed to make me sleep okay. So when I woke up this morning, I took my Emend Day 3 pill on time today. So we'll see how I do. I think I need a 12 hour timer, because I am not good at taking pills on a schedule. I'm more of an ad hoc type of gal, but I can't take that chance because everything is going so well.

I am taking my MonaVie M(mun) every day, about 6 oz per day. And it is making a difference for sure. A slice of toast and OJ was breakfast.

Thanks for stopping by.

Grace and Peace
~ Tish ~

The Shot

Lawrence just gave me my first Nuelesta shot. I am so proud of him, thought we would have to go to a nurse or something to get through it. Worked out well, he's a quick study. Heather my chemo nurse gave him a few lessons yesterday and he did it like a pro. Guess someone is in the wrong field. He has a steady hand.

It's over, now we'll see if this bone marrow white blood cell shot will have me flat on my back. The side-effect is bone pain...OUCH!

My Thoughts...

Often times when things happen in our lives, especially what the world calls "bad" things, human nature is to worry, to get angry, curse God or whoever else you may have a relationship with. As Christians and believers we learn to lean not on our own understanding, but to trust God and have faith.

When reading my word I was lead to the book of 1 Peter 4:12 where it states: Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But Rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his Glory is revealed. NIV - bold words were for by me.

In reading this, I was reminded of the saying do not grow weary in well-doing. For most of my life, and especially since becoming a wife and mother, I put for my best effort to live right, live well and be obedient to my life as a believer. Of course we all fall short in many ways.  But for the most part, I considered myself to be a good person, who treated people with love and respect. Never in a day would have expected the affliction of Breast Cancer. I know the mothers and sisters of friends, but not one person in my immediate family has had it. So cancer period just never crossed my mind. I know it affects nearly 1 in 8 women today, which is so very surprising to me, but I never thought that I would be that 1.

However... now that I am that 1 in 8, I consider myself to be Lucky. Almost like a choosen and highly favored person who will be able to go through this journey and share my feelings, both good and bad with anyone who wants to listen... My hope is to save another young woman's life through early detection.

In conclusion the rest of the chapter went basically like this, and I'm summarizing because I am far from a theologian... We have to continue to suffer according to God's word and will, remain faithful and do good.

Therefore my friends... my good deed.

Grace and Peace
Tish

Whoo Hoo ~ so far, so good!

My eyes popped open at 3:38 am. Not because I had to go to the bathroom - which by the way my nurse distinctly said to go at least two times in the middle of the night - which I ended up doing anyway. But I just woke up... the first thing I thought was am I feeling sick? Is there nausea and I need to throw up? What... then it hit me. My new affinity ~ time to Blog... of course.

Here I go. Found my long sleeve pajama top, which by the way is just another layer because I sleep in a tank top as I get so darn hot upstairs. In hopes that I don't wake the hubby, I opted for the desktop rather than turn on my laptop in bed. Which by now I'm sure he is wondering what the heck i'm doing up. So this will be short.

No sickness yet. The nurses, my chemo teacher, doctor et.al were ALL right. Stay on top of your meds. Because once you begin to vomit it's all over. I put this big cup thingy next to the bed that I kept from my last surgery when I got really sick and worked over from the anesthesia, so I'm glad I could find it. Who really wants to be bent over the yucky toilet; this way I handle it bedside very neatly, and Lawrence dumps and rinse and brings the wet rag. Now that's teamwork!

I just wanted to give an update that I haven't gotten sick yet, no so called side-effects yet. Thank God. So i'm going to continue my Faith Walk right back to bed... because even though I get a free pass to lay in bed all day tomorrow. Most likely I won't.

Ohhh by the way my secret weapon so far when I did start to get a little queasy last night was Diamond Smokehouse Almonds : PLUG for the free adversement. Hmmm maybe I can get a little cha ching - by posting some ads. I'll get back to that. For now, it's a glass of H20 and back to bed.

Thank you Lord for the wonderful rest, and no sickness. My Faith Walk is off to a good start... Becoming a Breast Cancer Survivor isn't that bad after all. Get your mammograms ladies, and my brothers please encourage your wives, sisters, mothers and girlfriends to get theirs. I had my first at age 39, and what a lifesaver it was. Because I had the second one last December 28, 2009 (age 40) I am here now to give testimony. Who would of ever "thunk" it. Certainly not me!

Grace and Peace ~ Tish

OUCH...

I guess I whimped out today when my nurse Heather was inserting the needle into my portacath... That little contraption is going to save my veins though... but "good grief" it really hurt!

This place is amazing! It's the Ida Friend Infusion Center at UCSF. The nurses are wonderful, the place is clean, wi-fi (we must stay connected) and there is tons of natural sunlight. It's a beautiful day in San Francisco.

Today is the first time having my port accessed.. and I know part of my aprehension was how it would feel. It wasn't as bad as I imagined but it still hurt big time. She kept pushing it, and pushing it to make sure it was inserted, and at first the blood wouldn't come out to ensure that it was all the way in. My goodness... I'm so happy it was;  There was a patient today who got really sick, I could hear them gagging and coughing and the staff called for housekeeping, so i'm thinking he vomited all over the place... But from the way it was handled so quickly and nonchalantly they are used to it, and it wasn't a huge deal.

Okay, so the the first thing after drawing the blood to make sure the port was working properly, she started the sailine solution and I could immediately taste it... Amazing how we can taste what is going in through IV. okay, so now my IV unit is beeping. I just unplugged to go to the restroom... right when I'm washing my hands to leave it started beeping with a flashing red light... OMG! What did I do now. First day of chemo, and already i'm messing up... I just waked out, Lawrence plugged it back in and we looked at the reading and it flashed "infusion complete" ~ whew... So that was the fluids to hydrate me (like the 2 bottles of water I drank already were not enough) and that is why I had to get up and go relieve myself... At least it's nearby and not a long track down the hall and around the corner.

The next infusion will be the actual chemo medication Adriamycin and Cytoxan ~ I was also given Aloxy to assist with my nausea. The adraimycin (doxorubicin) is like red kool aid and is being injected manually. The next dosing today will be Cytoxan and will be IV drip... all through this nifty little port. So I'm totally hands FREE!!! Whoo Hoo!

For those of you wondering, it will take 2-3 weeks after today's treatment for the hair loss and other side-effects to take place. I bought this cute little cap today to wear to bed. It helps collect my hair when it falls out at night. Nifty idea, because who wants to wake up with clumps of hair on their pillows. But then I think it's cute enough to wear to the store... I opted for a light color so that it would stay cool in the summer... Will post a picture as soon as my hair is completely gone. Stay tuned...

God is Good!

Grace and Peace ~ LaTishia

Less than an hour for my 1st Chemo treatment

I woke up this morning at 6:00 a.m., of course with the assistance of my cell phone alarm. My initial instinct was to hit snooze and get a few more minutes. Lawrence was knocked out, and I decided to get right up and spend some quiet time in prayer. I located my long sleeve pajama top, reached for my glasses and headed to my quiet place.

As I was thinking what exactly I was praying for... the Holy Spirit imparted me with peace. I shared my concerns about today, my thoughts about what it would feel like... the toxic chemo running through my veins and just asked God to allow me to get through this day. Of course I asked for traveling grace and covered my babies in our absence and the usual... several family members who are afflicted right now and my husband.

We left at 10 minutes to 7am, and arrived at UCSF at 9:10. My appointment for labwork was NOT scheduled and after speaking to my physician, I didn't need it today. Hmmmm that mean another 30 minutes of sleep... Oh well. Here now and about to go upstairs and start my infusion.

Peace and Grace

On April 6, 2010 My Faith Walk takes on a new turn. My Journey with Chemotherapy begins. I will have my first treatment followed by an injection 24 hours later to allow my "good" cells to grow to replace those destroyed by chemo. WOW!

On January 7, 2010 I was diagnosed with Stage 2, Breast Cancer. After many tests, a Lumpectomy (1/29), a second re-incision surgery (2/23) to remove more tissue and insert a portocath, I am now ready for tough part.

Surprisingly, there are a few people in my close circle who are either dealing with chemotherapy for some sort of cancer, or "watching" their cancer to see if it will grow to the point of needing surgery and treatment. I honestly believe that those who have gone before me who I personally know, have made my acceptance of having cancer much easier.

Not once have I questioned God with a "Why me?"  But I know that my faith, the love of my husband and children, family and wonderful friends is truly what has kept me from that point. I cannot imagine going through any type of cancer or sickness alone.  My Lauryn said a special prayer for me tonight as I was tucking her in, without me even asking... NOW THAT'S GOD! Through the mouth of babes! It is those selfless and loving actions, that keep me strong.

This is my first entry and I promise to come back and post updates about everything as I go on. I will list exactly what type of cancer (as I didn't realize there are so many variable), what type of medications I'm taking and my progress.

1Peter 2:24 ~ By his stripes you have been healed.

Keeping the Faith...

LaTishia